you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
