i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
