I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
