Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
