it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My balls are so social today.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
