I wanna passion pit in your ass
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
