I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
