Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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