i don't like sucking hair
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
