you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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