I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
