I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
