Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
