Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
