you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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