There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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