he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
