fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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