Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
that may or may not have been my penis.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
