If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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