Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
