Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
