I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
