I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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