dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
