Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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