matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
