Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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