Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
