What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
