he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
