Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
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