Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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