so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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