first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
