Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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