I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We got so high we made milksteak
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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