Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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