and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
