i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
