Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
