I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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