I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
