So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
