your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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