I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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