i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
