So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
