Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
