Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
